Trials & Tribulations

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One thing that I noticed, is that no matter how hard one person may work or how positive someone may be, trials and tribulations will occur. A lot of the times, when those things happen that test our faith, you find out just how weak or strong you may be. During the darkest times of our lives is when we truly have time to discover who we really are, and come face to face, get up close and personal with the individual we no longer wish to be. Everyone gets to that point in their lives where they wish to evolve to become any and everything better. You begin to outgrow those things, places and people that you thought you would always love.

Being this young, I understand that I still have plenty of time to grow out of and into all things necessary, so I allow the time to do what it has to. It doesn’t hurt any less however, I just find instant comfort in knowing that eventually everything will get better.

Being a mother of one, my plan was never to be a single parent, taking care of any and all responsibilities alone, but thats just what I have to do. Realizing that no matter how much it may pain me, it will be okay, better than.

When I made the decision to bring my child into this world, I chose to make all ends meet, even if that means I have to do it alone. For a while everything started coming down on me at once,, HARD… My relationship broke apart, I lost my job, fell behind on bills. I literally only kept it together for my son. Knowing that he watches mommy’s moves, I refused to lose. So with the savings I had, I purchased the things that he needed, paid things towards bills, etc. I was already looking for another job while working, but got let go early due to labor optimization at my job. Therefore, my job search was a lot more intense. 5 interviews a week, & I am pleased to say that I have been receiving several blessings. I have been given a new job offer, and may even have a new place in the works for my son and I.

I feel this will be us closing one door, and stepping through so many more. Our new journey.

Moral of this writing today, is to stay focused and determined regardless of what trials and tribulations you may be facing daily.   Do NOT allow anyone or anything take your energy away. You are valuable, you are important, and you CAN do this!!!

Until next time…

The Greatest joy 

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It is the most amazing gift anyone can receive, becoming a mom has changed my life in so many ways. I have always been motivated to become greater, but now I am determined to be greater. My son is so awesome, in every way imaginable ! I often find myself looking at him in disbelief and amazement, because losing a child before and now having the second chance to love someone solely and unconditionally, I can’t think of a better more precious gift! Your child is ultimately your pride and joy, the only one to know what your heart sounds like from the inside out and that can’t be topped! Loving every second of this life as his mommy! 
  

Present choices.

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It really blows my mind how someone can not be present but feel like they deserve the gift. It takes more than sperm to be there for your child, & if that’s all you think you need to do.. That’s fine. Just consider yourself a sperm doner not a father! Not a daddy! … Smh my mind truly be blown with how these men be thinking. Pregnancy is a process. You left a woman to deal with all of that process by her self and you feel you have rights to something? Where were you when she needed her back, feet or calfs rubbed? Where were you when she had doctors appointments EVERY month to check on her and the baby’s health? Where were you when her body went through dramatic bodily changes and she could no longer see her toes or her nipples were constantly itching because they’re stretching or her innie became an outtie, or her body added four more stretch marks to it’s collection? Where were you while she waddled through trimesters looking for a job to fill in the blank spots of a responsibility you should be handling? After all your main concern isn’t her or your child, it’s everything but… Updating the world on what’s going on as if you’re present. You don’t know shit. All you know is what she told you because she’s there! She has no choice but to be. But you, you have a choice, and you decided you want to be captain superhero to everyone else’s problems but your own. Your choice was to make excuses as to why you can’t be present during those things. Your choice was to leave her alone to deal with the changes on her own. Your choice was to be non appreciative and supportive of the woman soon to bare your child… Then have the audacity to not even cater to her feelings.. Ever, at all. You should be lucky she didn’t place your ass on child support months ago! Your choice was to choose the side of other females over hers. You chose to do all of these hurtful things, then turn around and THINK .. Like really think you have ANY right to ANYTHING? The name? Who is and isn’t apart of the child’s life? How the child will be raised? What? No .. During those times in their life she’ll remember how you chose to not be there while they were at their most critical. A woman can die both during pregnancy and giving birth. It’s a lot on ones body and YOU decided not to be there, so she decides you don’t deserve to make any choices when the child is born. You’ve used them up! Continue to do as you’ve done… Be the person who donated the sperm, that doesn’t show up to drs visits, that let’s the mother of your child work triple shifts on swollen ankles to pick up your slack that shouldn’t even be there.. Continue to be absent! You don’t deserve this blessing… You don’t deserve this present!

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My New Beginning

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It’s not a secret to many that I’m a person who strongly believes.. “All things happen for a reason.” In the mists of one of the darkest storms I’ve been caught in thus far, I received a sudden ray of sunshine. Having lost a child before, one could only imagine the heartache and terrible nightmares I’ve endured, but to discover that I’ve been given another opportunity to be a mother is truly the most amazing gift! Due to my previous, heart wrenching experience, of course I went through a series of emotions! Finding out I was ecstatic, then extremely nervous. I didn’t want to get too attached just to have everything snatched away from me all in an instance, AGAIN. I immediately set up doctors visits to both confirm the pregnancy and to be further aware of what to do this time around. I decided to switch doctors due to me not feeling secure with my previous (due to miscarrying) .. Thank goodness that I did, because my doctor is VERY helpful! Everyone in that office is informative, professional, and warm! They’ve been so helpful, that I am now further than I had a chance to get before. Writing this post this evening, I am currently 22 weeks, 23 this up and coming Tuesday and so far, so BEAUTIFUL! I’ve been getting ultra sounds on a regular, and my baby is growing beautifully. I’ve gotten to experience the many things I didn’t get to the last time around. I’ve gotten to see and feel my baby grow, feel the movements, find out what I’m having (THINK BLUE), & create a bond! My son isn’t even out of the womb yet, and has already become my greatest blessing. Despite being pregnant, I’ve been on the move, making every attempt to give my son the life I know he deserves! He deserves to be loved, & well provided for and taken care of. I’ve gotten so many opportunities just by staying focused on him and what I want his life to be like..in regards to the things provided by his parents. I am happy to say, his dad is just as excited as I am. He’s very supportive and definitely on the same path as I. Doing everything he can to make sure both his son and me have everything we need. There isn’t a moment that goes by that I don’t feel filled with gratitude, extremely humble and overall thankful for EVERYTHING in my life right now! My family is supportive, as is his, and it’s the greatest thing I could ask for. Feeling the kicks and minor movements are the best feeling in the world. He’s healthy and he’s active. What more could a mother to be ask for? } EXCITED IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT!

To my son : MOMMY IS SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU, I CAN NOT WAIT TO MEET YOU. THE DAY I SEE YOUR FACE AND GET TO HOLD YOU WILL BE THE DAY MY LIFE IS MADE WHOLE! I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH ALREADY… MY BABY BOY ❤

Random thought on repeating yourself ..

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Something that everyone (including myself) claims to hate, yet continues to do, is repeat theirselves. Often times, more times than not actually, we do it without even realizing it. That can happen for several reasons, one being you’re saying it in a different way, so it doesn’t even begin to cross your mind that this is the millionth time you’ve discussed whatever it is, you’re discussing! Another reason is that, whoever you’re speaking to, or about, you deeply care for. You’re constantly raking your brain to come up with excuses for why they didn’t take heed to, or understand what it was you said the first time or even first few times you said it. You decide that because you care for them so, you will CONTINUOUSLY allow them the opportunity to understand. Of course there are so many other reasons as to why we refuse to stop doing something we “HATE“, but those are the main reasons. It gets to the point of repetition (hence repeating ones self), we do it so often that it becomes habit, second nature. In scenarios dealing with loved ones, it can often make you feel unheard, or not much at all cared for.. Although tiresome and both mentally and emotionally draining, it lives on yet another day, another conversation, another story… When will we as people learn to listen when people are speaking to us… To make their lives easier and less repetitive ?! Lol

Friendships/Relationships unstable !

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In any friendship or relationship, there are just some things you just don’t do. Disrespecting someone is no one to show you care! … Loyalty is important, however… Don’t ask for or expect more than what you provide. The scale of love should be balanced, equality… If you wouldn’t like it done to you, don’t do it! Be careful who or what you give your energy to… Not everyone is worth it! You may think you know someone today, then wake up tomorrow realizing you don’t know them at all. Maybe, you were just attracted to the image portrayed by that person, but remember … Looks (images) can be deceiving. Just to have you around, people will pretend to be someone and something they aren’t, you being trusting and honest about who and what you are, standing firm in everything you represent .. You believe them.. You want to believe that there are still good people out there… Yet every time you get reminded that maybe they are… But you’ve yet to meet them. Intentions are everything you’d never expected. Opening up yourself and welcoming them into the inner most depths of your soul .. Did you make a mistake? Mistakes, failures.. The teach lessons and create strength .. Building character, and adding more chapters to your story. Gather your thoughts … Breathe … Did you make the right decision? Is it worth trust … Are they worth your energy?

Roles of the man and woman …

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Everyone knows that the man and woman each have roles to play. Both individually and within the relationship. When I was younger, like many girls, I was under the impression that the man works, provides and protects & the woman nurtures, cooks, cleans & everything else. Now that I’m older I understand all of these things are true but can go for either or both parties. Of course there are people whom still heavily believe in the way it was originally and feel that’s the only way it should be. However, I have a bit of an open mind and feel that as long as both parties carry an equal amount of weight that an equal amount can and will be brought to the table creating ultimate balance. Granted some people don’t think the roles should ever be reversed or edited, I don’t see a problem! If I the woman am career oriented, ambitious with unlimited and unstoppable drive and I want to be head hancho at a law firm, but my man can “cook, clean and everything else”, I don’t understand the problem with that. Or if both parties want to work 9-5’s, cook, clean, protect, nurture, everything in one together… I don’t see a problem with that either. Whatever works for couples, works for them. No two couples are the same, and I don’t expect everyone to agree. My opinion still stands lol. As long as there is balance and equality you have a guaranteed recipe for a successful, happy relationship, even if you do add your own additional ingredients !!!! 💯💙